I had to break down and buy more Windex. But, because Mountain Berry Windex is clearly unlucky...I bought Crystal Rain Windex. So far, we've had one loft showing since the purchase and use of the new product. I'm not feeling confident...
THE STORY:
When we know our loft will be shown, we got through the motions, as I've described before, to make the place "warm and inviting". This type of atmosphere is bolstered by the smooth, jazzy and calming sounds of Michael Buble coming from our stereo.
We received a call to say that a Coldwell Banker agent would be showing our loft between 2:30 and 4:00 p.m. on Saturday. Therefore, starting at 1:15 p.m., we set about creating the "warm and inviting" atmosphere.
So, imagine our horror when a HUGE truck with a HUGE lift came nearly crashing into our front door at 1:45 p.m. and a 6'4" man who was pushing 350 lbs. got out and asked us if our loft was the real estate office. Jarrod politely explained that the Coldwell Banker sign in our window indicates that our loft is
for sale and not that it is the C.B. office. Then the beastly man asked if he and his wife (also a bit beastly looking!) needed an appointment to view the properties for sale. Jarrod told him that we'd be more than happy to show our loft to him, but that we were getting it ready for a 2:30 appointment. Then the man said "Oh yeah...that's us. We're meeting our realtor and he said he'd show us all the lofts". And then the man got back in his truck and drove off...we presumed to meet their realtor somewhere.
We observed several things from this alarming encounter:
1.) This dude would not be able to live in our loft - he could barely fit in our tiny little place
2.) He was bald...as in scary large skinhead bald...not "I'm losing my hair because I'm old" bald
3.) His truck had balls hanging from the trailer hitch. Yes...I mean balls*...as in plastic replicas of the male anatomy...hanging...from...his....truck's...trailer hitch...
Based on the brief conversation and above observations, we were able to deduce the following:
1.) Their realtor was probably going to show them our loft as a comparison property to then tempt them to buy a bigger, better one
2.) Anyone who drives a truck bigger than our loft, probably wants a loft bigger than their truck
3.) He must be a disgusting pervert who...wishes he had bigger balls?!?!?!?
4.) His wife must either have (a.) no class (b.) no taste...or (c.) a love of balls
Still, some potential:
1.) Maybe the man and his wife have a son or daughter that will need a place to live while in college, and they're looking to buy for him or her
2.) Maybe...well...maybe #1
So, we finished up our prep work, cued the music, grabbed the dog and left the loft to find a spot down by the river where we could see up the hill to our front door. At 2:31 p.m., the realtor and ball people entered our loft. At 2:34 p.m., they exited.
And that was that.
And no, they didn't want it.
And no, Crystal Rain Windex clearly didn't make a big of difference. Lovely.
* Apparently truck balls are also referred to as "truck nuts". Hmmm...nice... Click
here to read another blogger's opinion and actually see a picture!
